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A long afternoon (Sunday 7/22)

A peculiar evening

Unrequitedmance (Saturday 7/21)

Craig & the Hamsterettes

Ratings - Side-eye edition

After immense buildup to the highly anticipated Willie ejection episode, they strung us along with ancient history like Ian & Ashley's date and nonsense like implying Shane & Danielle's showmance is a two-way street. Hurricane Willie made landfall at 44 minutes into the show and it was a lot faster and a lot less explosive than the many hamster retells made it sound, even allowing for some after-the-fact exaggeration. CBS really must love their Hantzes since they had many viewers convinced that the fault was equally distributed between Willie, Joe, and Britney, but that's why their writers and editors get paid the big bucks. I've noticed they're no longer pushing the feeds using the word 'uncensored' but they added insult to injury with Allison Grodner's tweet about watching the show for 'unseen footage' - excuse me, but we have paid hard-earned dollars to see it. Their current tagline for feeds is 'see what's happening inside the Big Brother house whenever you want' but that's also a misnomer since we can only see what's happening when they want. But all that said, they've got a new guy on the fishies button who doesn't forget about us while he goes on break, so that's something and enough to neutralize them, even if he does keep blocking talk about former seasons & hamsters. Also, see Ian.
TEAM JANELLE I just can't get a read on her. She's up to her old tricks of shmoozing both sides, cozying up to Janelle for two days and then crying to Britney over 'poor Willie' and saying she thinks 'Janelle will fuck up my game'. She's either a brilliant mastermind or she's just as flakey as she seems.. I can't figure it out.	TEAMIES: Frank, Ian, Jenn I posted one of his lines about childhood field trips to a living history park as being 'like history class but you walk' and realized I was laughing with rather than at him, a first. It was nice also to see him kiss the photo of his little baby boy - I might be getting soft, or maybe I'm just having an off day. However, I am over his lectury tone when he goes into coaching mode, and his blingy $ necklace was right out of 1985.
TEAMIES: Shane, Willie, JoJo She was quite sippy after the comp and it was nice to see her finally loosen up a bit. She joined in the makeup team and the dance, and it would have been the perfect opportunity for her to do a Britneyesque rendition of Willie's expulsion, but alas, she went to bed instead.	TEAMIES: Kara, Danielle Jodi He laid in that hammock and listened to Danielle prattle on for a solid hour, and then he listened to Joe for another hour when he took over. He barely said a word and didn't interject his own stuff into their monologues at all, and that's the secret of Dan's Mist. It doesn't seem like he's going to fight to keep Danielle or encourage her to campaign any more than he did Kara, and that puzzles me. He's either confident of entering the game or he's ready to go home.
TEAM DAN She's my study project du jour and what a gold mine she is! She cried when she realized she'd be going up and probably home, and her thick makeup didn't even smudge even though there were real tears. You know she's kicking herself since she works at the same type of facility as Shane did for a time, and her stupid job lie killed her chance to swap stories and get a date for the prom. Dan got her talking about nursing and she talked for 45 minutes about medical jargon and her importance at work. It's a stupid lie yes, but trust me, we don't want to listen to that all the time. Then when Joe arrived to take over the monologue, she clammed up and sulked.	TEAM BOOGIE - HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD I don't necessarily like the company he keeps, but I'm enjoying him in general. He's got some empathy going on and that's a very good trait for this game. He felt bad for Willie being ostracized even while acknowledging it was his own fault, and he feels bad about having to put up Danielle even before he's done it. I also like that he's not isolating himself upstairs as much as some of them do when they're HOH, and that he's aware that he's being shmoozed when he's being shmoozed.
TEAM BOOGIE Catladies all over are diagnosing him with this, that and the other thing, but I'm pretty sure none of them are medical or mental health professionals, as professionals would not diagnose someone from watching them on a tv show. That said, I'd very much hate for Ian to crash and burn as a result of BB stress & paranoia but if he does, there will be such an uproar that it would very possibly kill this show once and for all. I'd be leading that charge, and I'll start now by demanding they stop using him for their cheap shot clown music segments.	TEAMIES: Wil, Ashley, Joe She's working Ashley and Britney, and seems to have lowered her sights on Boogie and Dan just a bit, which is interesting. I think she's playing a good game this time around and I like watching her friendship with Wil (and their laughter together) but while some of her previous BB friendships have outlasted her time in the habitat, they've also contributed to her downfall inside it.
TEAM BOOGIE She's back to barely being seen on the feeds.	TEAM JANELLE It sounds like he's tried out for every cooking reality show out there, and he landed here. When he had his turn with Dan, he started off by saying that the most important thing he's learned about women was that you have to listen. And then he didn't stop talking for an hour, even to the point of talking over the jets overhead. He's told a few embarrassing stories about his kids and tonight he named at least one of their schools. This guy's like the drunk uncle who always ruins Thanksgiving.
TEAM BRITNEY NOMINATED I don't see enough of her but I think she's a good character to have in there, mostly in a point 'n laugh kind of way. That will escalate if she remains the eviction target, but that's likely to flip-flop a few more times before Thursday. I wanted to have a 'JoJo says she's loyal' drinking game but rethought that as I don't want anyone to die. Funny thing about her loyalty: she went from being '100% loyal to Willie' to 'fuck you Willie' and back to 'I'm so loyal' without even skipping a beat.	TEAM BRITNEY NOMINATED - HOLDS VETO My other study project, I still can't get enough of his goony expressions or awkward social skills, let alone his being aware of Danielle's crush on him and totally ignoring it. I didn't follow the details but I'm pretty sure his long shmooze on Frank & Boogie was the same one he pitched to Willie - was it just the other day? He's two for two on vetos, but the tv-only audience and even some feedsters are still wondering who he is.
TEAM JANELLE We know he's got some characters up his sleeve but when he came out as Craig, complete with plaid flannel shirt, flap-down overalls and mustache, it made them howl as well as us. Breaking into a dance team from there was simply dessert.	TEAM BRITNEY He spent two weeks laying in HOH bed, parannoying his brains out even though he was perfectly safe, and his fall from HOH was the hardest we've ever seen. He head-butted himself out the door when he might have been saved by veto, so he'll go into the BB blunders pile. I didn't come in with Hantzophobia so I'm grateful for the cheap entertainment he brought, especially the Froot Loops war and Willieisms like 'key-hos', 'corn-ho', and 'totin' pole'.
TEAM DAN She brought a big name and rep to the show but didn't live up to either. She seemed like a nice enough girl but she didn't bring much to the feeds, and her sister wife wardrobe greatly disappointed her fanbase. She'll be remembered for extra shiny knees and little else - she didn't even campaign to stay.	TEAM DAN, for a minute Most were looking forward to seeing what she'd bring, but she got a raw deal and was gone before the feeds even kicked on. She'd said she was worried about lack of privacy & sleep, missing her family, and slop so maybe BB wasn't for her, and she got away without airing any dirty laundry. It had to be humiliating to go back in for the group bikini pic but that's how they do things.